Why It Isn’t Working?
Quite often when we embark on the journey for change and growth we may be set back by our old patterns. After the thrill of walking across the pit of hot coals, jumping out of planes, attending every self help seminar and listening to gurus all promising this time it will be lasting, one inevitably will revert to one’s nature from time to time.
Does it mean that the products or teachings do not work? No it does not. Even the great Buddha cannot change anyone if they are not willing to practice what they learn daily. In other words, listen to the meditations daily, whether it’s mine or someone else’s. So don’t feel bad about yourself or others. The reality is that it took 18, 20, 30, 40+ years of life experiences to mold you into the being you are today. Some of what you learned was good, and some was totally erroneous. Face it, everything we know today is not the totality of all cosmic truth. What we believe with iron fist conviction will change …eventually. But what is required for change to be permanent is time. Without time, all change is temporary and fleeting until we fall again and the lesson returns.
In a relationship, there often is one individual wishing for the other to change his or her nature. This is an erroneous approach to human relationships. Simply because every one of us has lessons we need to learn. To reiterate, for change to be permanent, it needs time. To impatiently wait for the other person to do something against their nature, is a formula for disappointment and strife. It is not that people cannot change, it’s really because people have been hard wired into being a certain way for so long. So they need time to learn to let it go. Understand, that their behavior might be bringing some instant satisfaction that changing would cause them to lose. For instance, the cheater collects lovers because maybe he get the love, sex and attention that he feels he is constantly lacking, therefore having a constant need to feed. The over-eater gets her nourishment and perhaps some pleasure or escape from her emotions. The temperamental may delight in putting others down to feel instantly superior to them after feeling hurt or insignificant. But time will reveal to the individual that their desire for short term pleasure brings long term pain and lack of satisfaction. The cheater may instead be vilified, so instead they actually become more disliked, judge and not trusted thus creating a wall between him and the love he longs for.
The over eater may find their health deteriorating and perhaps feel as if they cannot escape what they’ve done to their physical body thus being in a worse mood. The temperamental may find out that there are many who don’t respect their childish tantrums. As it is human nature to protect and put down the beast, labeling it insane instead of intelligent.
These are just examples. However, even if someone has any or all of these issues one needs to own it, rather than feel bad or deny. Because to be human is to be flawed. Over time, people will learn to adjust behaviors until the pain of being disconnected goes away. By owning it, one can then work on it, and practice daily meditations to change it. No one can say it when exactly it will change permanently, but like the fluid waters of the ocean etching through the cliffside, over time it will change.